"I just realised I've been crying for the wrong girl. It fucking hurts."

So goes his sms to me.

Oh, and it doesn't hurt that he calls me "the wrong girl" when only two weeks ago, I was "sayang", "baby", and every other term of endearment under the sun?

He asked me whether he should move on or stay.

When I said you had to make the decision yourself, that was the ultimate sacrifice. I could've plied you with empty promises. Fuck, I wanted to scream "stay" but I couldn't bear disappointing you again.



I don't think I make a bad girlfriend. I think that given time, I would have been the girl that he wanted me to be.

But I prefer things to be at my own pace and time. The more you force me to do something, the more I push away. I've always despised people who had rules when it came to love. I don't believe it works that way. Love should never be suffocated by regulations and constraints.

-takes deep breaths.

Alright enough of him. I'm quite sick blogging about only one topic all the time.


The only good thing to come out of this is that I've fallen sick. I guess that's my body's way of dealing with trauma. Fever, flu, nausea, blackouts, lao sai - I've got all the symptoms of a stomach virus.

So. Sick + depressed Nadiah = Nadiah with not much appetite = 2 kg lighter Nadiah.

Whoop for joy everybody because the unthinkable has happened. I can fit into my jeans again! I haven't been able to do that all semester, heh.


I need to go shopping and buy new jeans damnit, because jeans from Giordano 3 years ago are so UNGLAM. That is where you, MISS LOO, come in. Please bring me to JAYBEE so I can go shopping with you. Can we also buy pirated dvds and watch it at your house? And whistle at jaybee mats with too much facial hair?



Ohmygod, smoking while I'm sick is not a good idea. I'm nauseous again. I think I will skip work tomorrow. That's $52 I will not be getting. That is $104RM I will not be spending.

-tries not to think about it.

I'll sleep this off. And I'll be alright till tomorrow night when you call me again and tell me that you love me. And then you'll go on to list all the reasons why we're incompatible. And then you'll say that despite everything, you miss me. And I'll reply that I miss you too. And then we'll hang up with me feeling lower than pond scum.

Hooray.